Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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