Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
