ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
please don't ironically join a cult
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