All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
