Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I know her cup size but not her name....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
