Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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