a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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