I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
