If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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