I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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