Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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