you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Come on in and take your pants off
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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