would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
