Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
