i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
