He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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