I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
