She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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