the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
