arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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