You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
