I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
