It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
