I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
