put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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