I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
