Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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