My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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