gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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