I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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