my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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