i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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