I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
