Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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