Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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