at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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