Fuck appropriateness.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
