just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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