Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize