i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
