did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
