so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sober January is a disaster.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
