my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
