Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
