fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Green mimosas i think yes
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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