Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
