i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
