Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
