So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
