I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
