Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
