She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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