1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
