WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
