btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
