I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
