1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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