During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
