you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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