why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
