he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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