My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize