So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
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On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
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I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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