meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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