I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize