Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
