I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize