My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
