So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
