If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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