Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
