there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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