Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
