shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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