you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
