I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
