i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
