That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
