They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
