my room smells like sperm. sweet.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
