We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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