I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
